will not power

Feeling pretty blah tonight. I've been giving a lot of thought to things that have been raining on my parade. And it's only January for bejeesus sake! So far this year has started out just like any other year. I make resolutions. I break resolutions. Absolutely no kind of change is happening in the areas I would like them to. Then again it IS only January. I'm still smoking. Right now as a matter of fact. That box of nicotine gum is doing nothing but taking up a 3X5 inch space in my top dresser drawer. What was that you say? I have to use it for it to work? When I purchased it, the intentions were there and they felt real. I felt like it was time to do the Cigarette Mash. But I came home and put it in the top drawer. The arsenal is there at least. I just need to get back into the same mind set to quit. When did I lose it? I've basically come to the assumption that it's entirely a will-power issue. Need to brush up on those some how. Like I said. I'm feeling pretty blah. You know what? I've been thinking about getting a real job again. This situation my roomate and I are in is beginning to materialize into a really messed up scene. The sad truth is only money can fix the situation. And we do not have any. And I barely make any. And he is getting ready to start barely making any. And I suspect in June we'll both be looking for one bedroom apartments. I haven't lived by myself in five years but I do remember that it's not fucking cheap. Starbucks checks and tips just won't cut the mustard. I'm starting to wonder if my college graduate window closed a long time ago and I've just been in denial. Trying and trying to get my shit together and it just never seems to work out. It's got to be a will power thing. Maybe I'm just feeling blah.