do you know what i don't get?
black leather baseball caps.
seems just as strange as wooden socks to me.

what is it about flamboyant electric guitar and high school hallways inhabited by hundreds of yuppie upstarts that goes so well together?

life is a game.
and i suck at it.
vh1 can kiss my ass. the fabulous life of...
i get stoked when my $60 state tax return arrives. not when my bentley finally gets my band's name embroidered on the seats and floor boards so that means that i can finally drive it.
fuck. i'm on hold for a burgundy station wagon for crapsake.

really. mullet style.

mike in the front. drums in the back.

Welcome to "That's My Day."

11:58am: open eyes and warmly recept the realization that i do not work today.

11:59am: close eyes and take a nap while focusing serious effort on continuing the dream about living in a tree city in Thailand which happened to closely resemble the ewok village in the Return of the Jedi.

1:30pm: sit up. put glasses on. turn on television.

1:37pm: simultaneously watch Rambo II(with feelings of great anticipation that Rambo III started at 2pm) and something i forget. Steve Guttenberg.

2:00pm: commence viewing of Rambo III.

3:34pm: realize that i am really enjoying the now proclaimed 'movieday' and realize my personal movie collection sucks rocks, i ventured over to blockbuster and spent an hour picking out movies to purchase. after i had six, i decided to purchase none.

4:46pm: went next door to blockbuster and bought a bucket of chicken. then proceeded to walk away feeling really pissed off that the $6.99 bucket deal is dark meat and not my choice of any of the delicious chicken that they ...have ...there.

since then is kind of hazy. decided that the remaining 7 old styles in my fridge were taking up space. so. yeah. fantastic.

i woke up this morning with a unique sense of urgency to get this moving thing on the road. or rolling. or moving. underway. we're going down to urbana on monday night after work to do the house hunt because the internet postings of rentable housing are virtually inept. yeah, they're all pretty cheap in comparison to chicago, but the listings are limited and there aren't that many in the main news paper down there. i don't think the internet age has fully expanded to the older folks in that part of the region yet. more than likely they still use the old standby of putting a sign up with a telephone number. plus, i don't like going through rental agencies. all of the unnecessary red tape and references and extra money and hassles...i will say 'no thank you, sir.' i give you money, you let me live there. that's it. cut and dry. regardless, that should be all taken care of by wednesday evening. the job is pretty much settled. i'll be opening up the first SB in town. not too keen on staying with the company, but it is easy, i already know what i'm doing, and the transfer is much easier than finding a whole new line of work. for now at least. once i get settled, then the search for a real job can begin. i just can't live on 13G's a year any longer. i'm getting ready to spend my morning eBaying/Craigslisting a ton of stuff i don't want or need. i've got to come up with a huge stash o' cash rather quickly.

i'd like to ammend the saying 'he who hesitates is lost'. more than likely, he who hesitates is probably fucking broke.

another thing. it's interesting to watch strange love and try and perceive it from sylvester stallone's viewpoint seeing as how him and bridgette nielsen were married and all. you just know he's sitting in front of the tv and analyzing the whole show because we all know that when you're with someone, let alone married to them, there's always that unexplainable underlying connection even after the relationship ends and i'm sure that sly never imagined bridgette's life to switch up from being married to rambo to be dating a rap star. hopefully flavor and bridgette end up together. that would be fucking great. i wish one of my exes would do a reality show. it would be interesting to see what they're up to these days.

so the last time i was in Champaign i ended up buying a ukelele. i don't really understand why though. Jason & i went to this guitar store and he was looking at lefty bass guitars and i was just kind of hanging around when i saw it hanging off in the corner. i saw it and felt immediately compelled to play it, so i picked it up and rolled around the store with j and just casually strummed away. after almost a half hour we were ready to split but i couldn't leave the place without the ukelele so i just bought it and have been messing around with it since then. i've made a few songs on it and if i find out how to post mp3's maybe i'll put them up here, but one of them is the bedtime song that muffer already knows. when i play it she comes running and sits in front of me and then hops up onto the futon where we sleep to find her little snugglin' place for the night. after a few more PBRs it'll be time to rock it again. oh, and futons are the worst. i can't wait to get a real bed again.

yet another morning. it's one day closer to moving day. it's really coming down, well nearing the wire anyway. if the wire was fabio on a rollercoaster, then today would be the bird poo...leaving the birdy's...um, well...butt...birds have what could be considered a 'butt', i guess...heading from said bird...towards...um...fabio as he...rolls his fictional studliness down the rollercoaster...it's just a matter of time...until i get leather pants...

so.

i'm doing the wake up routine right now consisting of tea and cigarettes, seemingly contradictory in a way i realize, but at least i've swept coffee from the agenda. for the most part anyway. i'm actually getting ready to do my taxes. most folks dread tax time, but the single beneficial result of making almost no money is that annual return. i almost want to not do them for a few days and bask in the know that in that W2 envelope lies numbers i shall crunch, not unlike alpha-bits, and spit out a figure that could possibly bring a nice bass rig my way. it all depends how much bread i'm supposed to get back. with my general level of unluckiness i.e. walking to the corner blocked by a building and then watching my bus scream through the yellow light therefore making me wait 20 minutes in the cold [which has become a mental game for me by trying to out smart the bus driver by leaving work at awkward minutes and purposely delaying and calculating the time i'll arrive at the bus stop] i'll probably have to pay. maybe they'll accept something i do have in place of money like empty beer cans or cat fur. wait. i think i used that joke last year...

in an effort to downsize my little round potbelly, i decided this morning to start eating better and to lay off the beer. i caught the bus to dominick's and purchased a ton of fresh veggies, rice, seafood, chicken boobies, and steak. all because i looked on top of the cabinets in my 'kitchen' and saw...the wok. it's gonna be stir fry city up in here. every damn night. stir fry is healthy, isn't it? regardless, i'm sure it's better for me than the overload of double filet-o-fish, gyros, italian beefs, PBRs, etcetera of late. i figure by moving time i should look and feel much better. i'm tired of feeling like a sack of mashed potatoes with a hangover and a hacking cough.

this is lionel. the source of mrs. mufferton's stress. to her, lionel is a delicious italian beef sandwich with eyeballs and fins flipping around in the fishtank. she seriously spends a good part of her day staring and trying to paw at him. i call him lionel because he seems to stay awake...
all night long. ba-dum-ching. i'll be here all week, folks.

damn. i am so bored. so bored that i'm drinking a sixer of Grolsch, checking my email every 15 minutes, listening to Hirudin songs on MySpace to see where i made errors, checking Drudge Report to see if president jerkass suddenly invaded Iran, thinking about the italian beef and chipotle steak burrito waiting for me post boozefest, & checking out available housing in Champaign-Urbana. just looking at the classifieds for houses brings a calmness to my stressful nature. virtually all of them would be cheaper than the rent i've been paying for shitty apartments since i've been in chicago, splitting with a roommate-wise. seriously, i'm looking at a 3 bedroom house with a basement(recording studio), 2 car garage, fireplace, and a fenced in backyard where the mini-ramp will go, for $750. fucking-a. that's all i have to say. next grolscher please and thanky.

a lady came into my store tonight with her loud-ass crying baby. so, she just whipped her boob out, attached the youngun to it and it began to suckle away. i stood there, only now ignoring the obviously cheating on his wife old man virtually humping a lincoln park trixie type at the corner table, and looked at her "i dare you to tell me to put my tit back in" look on her face so i just walked out of the store. she didn't even buy anything. came in, sat down, whipped out a boob, kid sucked on it, i ignored her, she left. so did the make out couple after they were finished humping each other. i work in a coffee shop, people.